Loss of self through over-giving

As I come towards the end of my counselling training, and with over 100 client hours completed, I’ve started to notice patterns that show up again and again. Not just in what people bring into the room, but in what they’ve been holding for a long time before they get there.

One of the most common themes I see is a gradual loss of self. It’s not something that happens suddenly, but something that builds over time. Clients often talk about being the one who holds everything together; managing the home, supporting others, staying strong and keeping things going.

On the surface, it can look like they’re coping. But when we slow things down, what often comes up is that there has been very little space for them within all of that. I hear things like, “I just get on with it” or “there isn’t time to think about me.”

Over time, this can create a quiet sense of disconnection. Not because someone is weak, but because they’ve had to keep going without space to check in with themselves.

This isn’t unusual. It’s a very human response to prolonged pressure and responsibility.

Part of the work then becomes creating space; not to fix or change things immediately, but to begin noticing what’s been there, often unacknowledged, for a long time.

Because often, what is held and not spoken is exactly where the work begins.

From held, not spoken, to spoken, heard and held safely.